The Time Travel Escort
Are you on YouTube? Subscribe to my channel. (opens in a new window)
(looks may vary)
There's this one story from when I was out escorting VIPs when I was a kid. It was with a group of ladies and we had another escort with us. You could say something was a little "off" about him. He would just kind of stand there menacingly with a frown on his face and not talk.
This one dude walks up to him. We'll call him Jack because he was jacked. We were in a back room of a club and wanted to have a word with him. Let's just say he was getting a little too big for his britches.
Jack says "What's with this guy? Wearing that jacket with the sunglasses inside. Who does he think he is, the Terminator?" with a mocking laugh. One of the girls we were escorting solemnly replied "No, he really is. I'm not joking." She was normally quite enthusiastic with a big smile. Jack says "Hah! Yeah right. Hey, say it. Say 'I'll be back'."
The additional Escort was outlandish at times in how he acted. He would tend to take things literally. So he replied "You'll be back". Apparently he thought Jack was talking about himself. The logic is sound in a way, I guess. Jack was like "No, no, no, say YOU'LL be back." So he repeated "You'll be back." Jack kept saying it was wrong and the Escort just couldn't figure out what this dude wanted.
"He's not very smart and doesn't look that big. You think I could take him?", said Jack as he starts flexing his arms. "Maybe you ladies should get with a REAL man". Now this was a HUGE dude. His arms were probably bigger around than the Escort's leg was. He was a bodybuilder, and while they tended to focus mostly on aesthetic appeal over function, there's definitely still some strength behind it. He also had an inch or two in height on their Escort at least.
One of the girls spoke up, she was taller than the rest of them. "No way! Be careful, there's more to him than meets the eye, and he doesn't like people touching or talking about his girls like that. He's fiercely territorial and doesn't take shit from ANYBODY." She had this grin on her face because she knew what was about to happen. She got a little twisted pleasure watching this stuff apparently. He had it coming though.
One of the girls walks up to him. She's a petite little thing and Jack leaned down so she could appraise his bicep. She goes "Hmm. You're really big, but...it wouldn't be a fair fight..."
He chimes in with a smug look on his face, "Yeah, I thought so. Let's-" The ladies cut him off simultaneously "...for you!"
"What?", he says. "It wouldn't be a fair fight FOR YOU." the petite lady replies while pointing a finger right in his face. She was leaning forward and had her other hand on her hip in an accusatory fashion. She isn't physically imposing, but her body language and voice can be absolutely scathing when she wants it to be.
"Bullshit!" he said.
"If you don't believe us, go ahead and arm wrestle him." the enthusiastic girl says in her solemn tone. He looks around the room, "There's nowhere good to arm wrestle on around here. No tables or anything."
The tall girl says "You know that movie Predator? How they grab each other's hands when they meet while standing? Do that." She still had that grin on her face. I heard an "Uh oh." come from somewhere. It probably came from the petite girl, because she started to stand behind the rest of them while peeking around like she was taking cover. Jack and the Escort lock hands in the middle of the room and the tall girl says to Jack "Try to move him."
So this dude tries with a little force at first. He wasn't expecting it to take much considering the amount of weight he lifts. Their Escort didn't budge, and the smug smile left Jack's face. He tried a little harder, then again with more of his body into it, but their Escort didn't move a centimeter. He got that look of bewilderment on his face when you see something that just shouldn't be happening. Then he tried one final time with all his strength. This guy had veins bulging out of his neck and everything.
That's when the enthusiastic girl yelled "Throw him!". The Escort just effortlessly swung Jack by his hand and threw him against the wall. Pictures fell off and he had smashed into some things on the way there. He was completely upside down. He wasn't hurt though, he was laughing as he got back up. The petite girl had ducked down and had her hands over her ears.
He walks up to the Escort with a serious face and asks "What the hell are you?" The gravity of the situation finally sunk in for him at that point. "What the hell are YOU?" the Escort replied. Jack laughs nervously, "Is he the Predator now?"
"More or less.", a bespectacled girl said. "Show him your cloaking!" the enthusiastic girl shouted with her big smile and bouncing with excitement. The Escort turned invisible right then and it looked just like the movies. Transparent with the slight ripple effect and everything. You should have seen the look on Jack's face. "What the hell...", with his mouth just hanging open. He walked around the Escort looking him up and down, then kneeled and looked through him at his hand on the other side. He looked back towards the girls with an astonished expression, "How does he do that?"
The cloaking turned off. Jack straightened up and started apologizing profusely. "I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm stoned and I had a little too much wine. I'm sorry. I won't touch them."
"Thank you for your cooperation. Stay out of trouble." the Escort replied.
"Is he Robocop too?" Jack throws his hands up. "Wait. Never mind. Forget I said anything. I don't want to know."
A hearty laugh was had by all and Jack was sent off on his merry way. Legend has it he's kept his nose clean to this day. Or at least he better have. I don't think he wants another visit from that Escort. Hell, I know I wouldn't. That dude's freaky.